SHAKING HANDS WITH 70

When I was in the first grade, my older sister was in the 7th and I remember one day in the school yard looking at her and her friends, thinking I would never be that old. Of course the wait for 16 and the privilege of driving seemed to take forever. And then there was signing for the draft, reaching 21 and finally adulthood. After awhile the years seemed to simply pass, children growing up, the first close friends dying, then parents, more and more “body parts” refusing commands, and when gathering with contemporaries the subject of age was always present. Growing up around men my father’s age, made me conscious early on regarding the the subject of growing older and I have made jokes about getting old for years. I guess in a way, the joke is now on me.

My mother once said of me that, “I was the oldest little boy she ever knew” and I never really understood or paid much attention to that until the last few years. It comes to me quite often now; after spending years in Asia, it is difficult not being impacted by Asian philosophy and the Asian has a way of dividing a man’s (or woman’s) life into 4 stages. The first is of course the child, then the student, followed by the bread winner, with the last being the contemplative stage where he begins to think of his death. In Western culture it is perhaps considered morbid to think of your death but not so in Eastern. “Death and taxes” is a common expression in the West but some don’t pay taxes at all, however death is the one and the only one thing we all hold in common.

My closest and dearest friend died this past November; Nick and I had traveled in more countries than I remember, and sailed 1000‘s of sea miles together, and talked about death many hours. Over the last year, he knew his time was short but he was never afraid and never gave in, fighting death to the last. He told me once, “it has been very interesting”, and “dying is easy, it is the living that is hard;” the last time I saw him a few days before he died, he was as peaceful as I had ever known him. We never said “goodbye” over the years, just “I’ll catch up with you”, and as I held his hand those were the last words we spoke. In the Hindu religion a person is cremated and the ashes spread and then re-birth occurs within 40 days. Nick spread his wife’s ashes in Bali, and his will be spread there also.

For me, my mother’s words were an acknowledgment of and “old spirit”, one that has been recycled many times. How does one know this? I guess it is like any other belief system, you simply take it on faith, for without faith all belief systems collapse. When you stand on the deck of a boat and feel the wind on your face,you don’t have to question what it is you feel, for you know it is the wind. Over the years, I have met people that in the first few seconds I had a complete feeling of “knowing”, and sometimes the relationship was only minutes but is remembered for the rest of your life. In the movie Patton, when he told his driver to stop in Africa and then described an ancient battle with the Carthaginian’s, was that just a movie scene or was that depicting Gen. Patton’s beliefs? For me, I don’t really care, as the last time I heard, there are no first hand reports of what happens after death. We each chose, and if we are educated and civil, we allow for everyones choices. For me, I do not need the security of a belief system to make it easier to face death, as I long ago faced my death and will dodge it as long as possible, knowing in the end it will win. But until that time, I shake hands with 70, look forward to the adventures to come, time with family and friends, and let the small stuff go. When I was born at the beginning of WWII there was no TV, no home a/c, no cars with automatic transmissions, much less computers, cell phones and much much more. I’ve seen a lot, and yes there are some people older than myself but the number grows smaller. I remember someone saying once, “the past is a canceled check, and the future is only a promise to pay, for it is only today that is legal and tender”. So, as my friend says, “breath in, breath out”, live in this moment for that is all we have.